shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I am full of burrito and curiosity
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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