My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize