So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
