he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
