i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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