That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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