The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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