I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
