After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
