Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
