giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
