he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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