I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
