We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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