Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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