he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
