i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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