drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
