I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Randomize
