Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She bit a glass in half.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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