A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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