I just pynch a tree in the face
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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