this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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