How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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