im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
