do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
