hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Bring me that man meat
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
