I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize