He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
