Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
