Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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