turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
