is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
