I cannot find my penis.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
