My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think your dad took our porno
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
