Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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