i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Everything about him screamed your future.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
