sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
