Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
