HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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