Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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