i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
