did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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