Already got asked if we're dating
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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