Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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