She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
