my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
