the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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