sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
