The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize