the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Let's paint friendship bongs
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
