If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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