I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
