Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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