I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
