They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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