"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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