i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
