Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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