Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
