I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
