I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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