Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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