I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
