hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
